I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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