New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
