I faked an abortion last night.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
