i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
