so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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