There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
