I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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