god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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