I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
