He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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