The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
