Banned from zoo.
Again?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
