you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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