Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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