You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
