I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
