I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
