I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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