i may or may not be watching the land before time
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
