Pappa wants mamma naked
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
