Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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