meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
