watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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