All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
