Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
