it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
