I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize