She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
