all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
