everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
