Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
