idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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