I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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