you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
