Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
