can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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