We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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