So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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