I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
