Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize