I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
