I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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