If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
