hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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