I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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