Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
