We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
