My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
