does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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