I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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