She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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