That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
