Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dicks are not precious.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
