i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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