Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
