Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
