I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
