I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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