apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
