Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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