to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
