i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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