And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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