five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
