Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
