I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
