i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
